(For example: TIL is an acronym for ‘thing’s I learned’ – that’s something I learned this year)

Make sure season 2 is available on Netflix before you fall in love with a new TV series.

Boiling an egg to the right consistency is harder than it should be.

Coffee is the nectar of the Gods. If, however, you keep buying your coffee from the good looking barista at the hipster café, you’ll stop appreciating your Nespresso machine and you’ll also run out of money.

Your husband will tire very quickly of you talking about how friendly the good looking barista at the hipster café is.

If you hear your kids start fighting, instead of finding out what’s going on, hide from them in the pantry with a king sized Twirl. They’ll sort themselves out eventually.

Drinking champagne, followed closely by wine, followed by cocktails, followed by wine again is a bad idea. Don’t do it. The world doesn’t need to see that many drunken selfies of you – no matter how many artsy filters you slap over the top of them.

Ants are highly persistent little fuckers. If they want to invade your home, just accept it.

The definition of Netflix and Chill. The definition of On Fleek. The definition of Throwing Shade. None of these were what I thought they would be. For example, throwing shade has nothing to do with passing your sunglasses to someone.

Once your kids eat a slice of white bread, the wholegrain bread you’ve been giving them for years will NEVER be good enough again.

Filling in your food diary on My Fitness Pal on a day where you’ve eaten a family sized pizza to yourself is no help to anyone. You don’t need to KNOW how many calories you consumed that day.

Never do a Google image search for “strange rash”. Even if you’re worried because your child has a strange rash. Just go to the doctor.

How cryptic crossword clues work. (Basically, there’s the actual clue – then there’s a heap of nonsense meant to screw you over).

Your stomach, hips and thighs don’t care that you have a knee injury. They will not wait patiently for you to return to the gym, instead they will expand, gleefully.

If you want your kids to actually pay attention to you when you speak, you have to pause the television first.

When sorting paperwork, there is no need to turn on the fan.

If you move to a house that has all tiles and floorboards and absolutely NO carpet, the dog will throw up on the couch. This is because Murphy is an asshole.

Small children are highly skilled at unintentionally creating phallic shaped works of art. It really is quite remarkable. For example, a simple drawing of a palm tree and some coconuts can very quickly become something else altogether. Check their homework before they take it into school.

Ikea is the devil’s playground.

Social media can be a wonderful thing. It can be friendly and entertaining and supportive. But it can also suck the life right out of you. Proceed with caution.

A novel will not write itself, no matter how much you will it to. Especially if you don’t even open up the word document.

Hairdressers don’t care what you had in mind for your own hair. They will ignore you and do whatever they want. They will use Jedi mind tricks to convince you that you love it. When you leave the hairdresser, get in the car and look in the review mirror, you will cry.

The kids are now old enough to notice when some of their Easter eggs go missing.

The kids are now old enough to notice when some of their Halloween lollies goes missing.

The kids are now old enough to notice that Santa used the same wrapping paper as mum and dad.

Never correct someone’s grammar or spelling on Facebook. Someone else will immediately find an error in your comment and they will BURN you.

Happy new year and see you in 2016!